im having a threesome with these popsicles
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
