dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
