Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
