I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
