She is in my trunk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize