What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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