How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
