I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
