when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
