He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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