Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They are going to name an STD after you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
