i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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