I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
