she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
