I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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