"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize