Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
