I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
