god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
