i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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