took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
