She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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