call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize