i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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