And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
