I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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