she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
