DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize