Where is the hickey?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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