if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize