He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
