Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
