3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
