its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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