We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
