Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
