I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
