it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
