I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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