Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He passed out mid-signature
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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