Don't you send me to vm
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
