I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
