I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
