pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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