just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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