Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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