I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
