apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
