she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I supernannyed him into submission
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
