So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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