A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my phone needs a breathalizer
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
