I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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