I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
