Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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