her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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