the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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