do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
zippers are such a cool invention
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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