uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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