how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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