OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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