i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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