Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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