I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Buhtt sex?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
