I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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