I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
