Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
