I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
