She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
